nieeerrrrrrrre...BOOM!

That, my pencil-thin friends, was the sound of failure...and future obesity. Specifically: "breakfast". If you could call it that.
Today the day started out fine. Three cups of tea, no sugar, no milk (hot beverages/food make you feel fuller). And then, from no where, a carb craving snuck up on me. Subconsciously I recalled hiding bread from myself in the bottom back drawer of the fridge. My lardish alter-ego dove in, frantically searching for it until returning victorious. Drizzling the soft french bread with olive laid out a 420 calorie meal...which I regretfully ate. No undoing that disappointment.

For a short notice: I don't purge. I have considered it many times, even tried it once, but I find its better to suffer than to find temporary relief of my guilt. Although, after those evil waffle overlords from yesterday, I was extremely tempted.

So today maybe I'll go for another walk, bike ride, something to help purge these carb calories. Or just try to avoid further consequences of FA (fat ass) syndrome.

death bread + oil- 420
chips- 140
total: 560 calories

Not completely horrendous, but still unsatisfactory.
I blame my lack of judgement and impulse for eating those chips while babysitting. They're spectacular kids, but their junk food kills me. KILLS.

Tomorrow at 8am is orientation for school and lasts until 3. I'm counting on the fact that there wont be any temptations there, and lots of walking to do.

-alexana 135
wish me thin

Beauty

There's so many thinspo girls on lookbook and models. Both are great sites for admiring the gorgeously thin.

SHAMEggos

So far today:
oatmeal- 130
tea- 0
coffee with sugar- 60
2 chocolate biscuits-70

*sigh* not so great.
and on top of that I babysat today. The kids I sit for have so many foods I haven't had since I was little; like those Eggo Waffle abominations. Its a love hate relationship. Why?
BECAUSE I ATE 4 WAFFLES. Who binges on waffles?! ugh. and those things are 95 each.
 Bringing the total to... (lard roll please)

640cal.

So because of the obvious guilt I felt I went on a two hour walk, which isn't so bad for starting out.
Tomorrow will be better, even though I sit for the kids again. Wish me thin.

~alexana 135

The (overly cliche) New Beginning

Hi, my name's Alexana. And I am anorexic...
*Hello Alexana*
...or at least I was.
~
These days I'm not doing so well. Lack of motivation and overwhelming, culinary, piggish influence of friends and parents has rendered my determination weak.
I lost 20 lbs. a year ago, and I now rest at an astonishing, obese 138. BMI of 21.0, which is overweight in our books. The loss of my devotion to beauty is a loss of aesthetic admiration and self discipline/worth.
People consider me above average height at 5'8", and slim. Those are their words though, and these are Ana's:

Get back into it. If you do, you'll be that glamorous girl you admire strutting down the street, putting everyone to shame.

The words I type now represent my new beginning as a pro ana girl -again- and new life at 108 lbs.,
30 pounds lighter, and I will do whatever to reach that goal.


-alexana 138
thin as a rail and light as a feather
(thin as an elephant and light as a boulder)