Saturday, January 21, 2012

Damn You Fear.

I recently watched an episode of "Supersize vs. Super Skinny" (watch it on youtube, very cool show) and they had someone with a protein deficiency. Their feet are swollen beyond belief, their fingernails look like ruffled potato chips- the same color too, and hair is falling out. The reason I am what I am is so I can be admired, envied, and beautiful. I refuse to let that happen, and since I'm already at a bit of a draw back (pescetarian diet), I've been eating a bit more protein. Peanut butter on toast: this is fatty, but only half a slice fills you up. And an egg: I like eating only the white because it's so low in calories and has tons of protein.

That was this morning, and because my mum was watching me I ate all the toast, but kept "dropping" it on my plate, peanut butter side down. When I picked it up I was smear off some PB, just so I didn't have to eat as much. Then I ate around my yolk, then smashed it so the contents spilled into my plate, not my stomach.
This breakfast put me back at 219cal.
I feel so fat.

Hopefully the fact that I work tonight will help. I can eat 100 cal before, and 51 of something else, that way my total will be:
219
100
051
=370cal

I'll bring some black coffee as well, so that will add into my 51 miscellaneous calories and give me energy/high metabolism.

Comment on any foods, drinks and other things you do to speed up your metabolism and exercise incognito. (I work in retail, so I'm always on my feet walking and lifting piles of clothing while only drinking black coffee on the job.)


Superior, clean, morally unimpeachable- that's what we strive to be.
~alexana 130.8


Friday, January 20, 2012

I'll Help Myself, Thanks.

I think I'm starting to fall back into place *knock on wood*.
My weight was 129 this morning, and that's not a number I've seen in a while. Today I had toast and peanut butter, and oatmeal and blueberries. Sounds like alot, right? Well it's not if you only eat half of everything. I feel that puts me in control of my eating and I really like having the ability to say "NO" for once. All my life I've been coached and trained to eat every piece of food off my plate, and hopefully I'll be able to wane from that, especially once I get my own place.

Exciting news by the way, I've just applied to another college (my personal favorite out of the 3 state colleges) and I'm hoping to transfer. Afterwards, I'll move into the city and get my own place where I'll stock nothing but lettuce, hummus, tea, and frozen fruit in my kitchen...maybe some fish on a good night (100 cal. talapia only).

And if any of you get the chance: watch "skins". For the sake of your eyes and everyone else's, don't watch the US version, it's so poorly done. skins has some great thinspo in it, and some real beautiful inspiration. A character, "Cassie" is real spacey and really beautiful in a unique way and guess what e.d. she has? (:
Go find out!

Alright my dears, time to get back on track, and be rail thin.
That's all anyone wants this season, and I'm getting it. Especially for summer.


If I eat anything, I'll eat everything, so I eat nothing.
~alexana 129.4

and some thinspo. ;D
(^^ this is actually "Effy" from the series "skins")






Monday, January 9, 2012

New Year, New Weight (lost?)

Nope, try GAIN~
I fold, and sag and wrinkle at a horrific 136. Last night I even hit 138...
I remember when that was my low, and now it's my high. I don't want to go back to that fat-assery. I can almost get in my size 4 pant. 129....119....109.....
Hopefully the countdown will parallel to my weight loss. A quick countdown, and a fresh new start.

And since I imagine most of us here are girls, most of you might know that if we're thin enough, we don't get mother nature's monthly gift! I would count that as a plus to the whole beautiful thing. ;D


Bones are who we are, let them show.
~alexana 136.0


p.s. good luck in the New Year all!