AL1V33! (thinspo)

I swear I didn't die. Nor drop off the Earth (not entirely). I feel that blogging helped control my life a little more, and lately I haven't had much control, I want that back. Officially, I'm at a constant weight of 132 (but now I'm over at 133) and I have hit 129 multiple times.
Today, six pieces of Ghirardeli chocolate (yes, my diet consists of 99% sweets, but somehow I've lost weight) which totals up 380. yikes...I forgot how much these numbers scare me. Maybe that will be all for today, I'll pry slip out of the house around dinner time.
Additionally, maybe I'll post again today.

Hopefully I can return to be that 127, and then eventually 113...109...you know. ;D

And for old times sake. Thinspo.

fun fact: the gorgeous and elegant audrey hepburns waist was 20 inches. (34A-20-34)
~alexana 133.0

Alexana: In the Belly of the Beast

As you know, I've been at school now for the past few weeks, and trying to figure how I'm going to balance everything. There is alot to do: maintain healthy paycheck hours at work, keep up with school work, and start being more involved with the boyfriend. Notice how there's no "become beautiful and thin" in there? Yah, that's because I've been bad and neglected my diet. So to put it short and sweet, I've lost my progress. :c
I'm almost at 136. And as observed last time, whenever I lose contact with this part of me, I lose contact with my self control and restraint. Please make me strong, I'm struggling, and I want to get back on. 127 sounds so perfect right now.
Ana make me strong and beautiful.

stick figures are loved by everyone
~alexana 135.4

Just a Bit

128.8 today, which is only .2 less, but you know, I'll take any improvement I can get.
It's going to be a short post today. So far I've eaten nothing, but later I'm going to Joe's Crab Shack with the boyfriend and trying to avoid seafood will be hard. but I can do it. Looking at the ABC Program, I think I'm going to switch my Fasting day with the 200 again. Considering I almost blacked out at work that one day, I'd rather not do that again... you know, suspicion and all.

thin is always in
~alexana 128.8

Ana Always Wins

YES! 129.0! Thank you ana, for you have saved me from returning to the obese. Hopefully my weight loss will start again, if I avoid the mountains of ice cream and self-serve toppings at my college's fall welcome/ice cream social. Today is the 400 day, and I need to mentally track how I do, maybe even try to find some calorie markings on whatever I eat. Thus far, I have eaten a waffle (88, bisquick), and drank tea and a cup of water. Wish me well my friends (all two of you! :P ), and make me strong. Updates shall come later.

stick figures have more fun
~alexana 129.0

Casualties and thinspo

133.8... That's pretty awful considering where I was. But if I keep my standards high and my weight low, I will be perfect. (:
Yesterday I hit 142 for my calories so that means I'm officially back on the ABC Diet, and today I will be doing 200. Those past few days were nothing big, just a bit of a bump, but I know where I want to be. So because I woke up super early on accident (it's 5am here), I'm going to chew up and spit out some brownie, which is my way of celebrating. What do you guys do to celebrate?
This is going to end up being a pretty short post, and thinspo shall make up for what I should have written.

Eat less, weigh less
~alexana 133.8

~~~

ugh, my mother is slowly eating up my nerves, and I think she knows. Whatever though, if I act like nothings different, it just means shes throwing out accusations. I can use our little argument as an excuse about my stomach not feeling well, and maybe skip dinner. My calorie count sits around 99-105 right now, and if I eat dinner, its 195, or more.

The possibilities are endless...

Triple Threat

Good morning my beautiful skinnies!
Let me address my unexplained absence from this (once) daily blog. I've been out looking for supplies and getting ready for school...with my mum. You are all probably aware of this threat that mothers impose upon you, watching you eat and being overprotective about generally everything. Mine has become more than suspicious and started giving me food, sitting with me and watching me eat it. Not only is this completely killing my progress, but its killing my planned ABC Diet. :c I'm off by three days now. (As a side note, I have been fluctuating in the 132-134 range these past days I havent been with you, to prove my point. Thats six pounds from where I was!!)
SO, I'm starting again on day 11, which is where I would've left off anyways. Because I need to lose this forced weight (133.2 currently). My diet is hanging on by a thread, its threatening to fall, and I need to patch things up before I lose it.
The last threat: boys. I dont know how they do it but they can make or break your mood, which almost directly affects your feelings towards your food. If I can be stronger and control what I feel towards them, I can control how my diet progresses.
But these three threats cant break me. I'm going to be stronger, and prove that I can recover.

TODAY IS 150, and I'M GOING TO SUCCEED.
And for a slight tip to avoid eating things you would enjoy, prepare something you would love to eat, or your favorite food. Torture yourself but dont give in, this will make you so much stronger. Put whatever it is in a clear baggie along with other foods you would like to have. mix it up, write the total number of calories in those foods on the bag and look at it. Don't put THAT in your system. It looks gross and probably lies within the triple or quadruple digits.

Please let me know what problems you guys have with your parents ruining your diets, or any successes of hiding them. (: I'm always interested to learn what everyone else does.


Food is disgusting, I hear its what they make shit from.
~alexana 133.2

p.s. Here are some cute little games I found. You can do these to keep yourself occupied and make two people skinny. ;D
Fat Cooker
The Lardener

Got a Craving?

SUBSTITUTE!!!!

...or blog, dance, sing, take a shower, paint your nails, look at thinspo, read a book, do homework, exercise, surf the web, look at fat people, go clothes shopping (dont buy until youre worthy though!), hang out with an ana buddy or anyone else for that matter.
I've personally discovered that the days I dont blog I overeat. Hence why I am returning to you guys. Make me skinny!

thin dreams
~alexana 133.2

A New Day and thinspo

Cross your bony fingers that I can really cut some calories today. I got off track and the need to get back on is more essential than ever. Friday or Saturday I'm meeting with a few old friends from my school and when they see me, I want them to notice my weight loss, even though its so small.

Today is the 500 cal today (remember I switched them) but because I was so bad yesterday, I'm going to try to restrict myself as much as possible until I'm back on track. AKA 127.2.
So far my mum has fed me, and is becoming a bit suspicious me thinks. I ate unsweetened Malt O Meal, about 1/2 of what was served to me (I'll guess 1.25 cups was served), and smuggled the rest either in the trash can or the toilet. Buh bye calories. So that leaves me with 100 cal/500. I think I'll do fish for dinner (tilapia) which takes me to about 200...not bad. It's a work in progress.

fridge pickers wear big knickers
~alexana 133

Ruined Myself

133.2
SIX POUNDS GAINED. SIX. How am I that much of a fat ass? (Easy, you gorged on 1,200 calories!!) I need to get back into this like no other, because a binge like yesterday (cookies) is not acceptable. Today is a new day and I am fasting, and possibly tomorrow.
I'm trying to resist any cravings from coming by bombarding myself with tea. Yay liquids and multivitamins.
Tonight I'll update you as I am working tonight.
~~~
SUCCESS! I fasted today. Not a morsel of food passed these lips!

skip dinner end up thinner
~alexana 133.2

Ever So Slowly...

I am losing weight. Losing is better than gaining, and every little bit always adds up in the end.
127.2

Today is the 400 day of ABC and 240 is already gone (damn cereal). I need to use my chart and drink tons of water before eating something that ISNT that. Because it does me zero favors in nutrition or filling up the tummy.
Since tomorrow I have work (and dont have to eat dinner), that will be my fasting day, and the day after will be the 500. I can do that, right?

thin is pretty
~alexana 127.2

Moving Forward

Or would that technically be "moving in reverse", considering pounds are dropping, not gaining?

Back on track again. This morning was 127.4 and 9 lbs away from the first mile stone.
The ABC Diet seems to be treating me pretty well, despite the fact that I almost fainted at work yesterday (I work in retail and walk constantly). For yesterday, which was 200 cal that day, I hit 172. Today is the 300 and right now I'm eating cereal with water, and will eat an apple when I start work, that way people see me eat (one is suspicious).
Have any of you successfully completed the ABC Diet with amazing results?
Ill update after work today, as I want try to avoid dinner, since I- being the piggish person I am- have sent 150 calories to waste already. :c
~~~
Dinner looks to be tilapia, which is 90 cal. Not too bad of I limit myself at that, 240 cal. 60 extra...what do I do? (Eat pan-fried potatoes. With lots of garlic and cayenne pepper.)
Leave it empty in case of a surprise mini binge? (SURPRISE! It's a carb craving!)

starve to be better
~alexana 127.4

Rounding up and thinspo

DAMMIT! 128.8 today! That rounds up to 129, which is technically 130. I am not going back now.

Today is my 200 calorie day. I binged (sweet tooth) on chocolate milk (1/2 cup skim milk cut with water (40), and a tbsp chocolate syrup (50)), and this "monster mix" that I found in the pantry. Good news is though I chewed up the monster mix and spit it out, then flushed it down the toilet. So no calories there.
Also, I made a big breakfast of toast (90) with 1/2 small banana (30) and 1.5 tbsp of peanut butter (150), and left it (all 270 calories) out so someone sees I made something. I dont want to it eat though, given that would put me over, and I still have to eat dinner tonight. What do you guys think I should do now that its there?

On another note, school is starting soon, and I need a new bag...any cute suggestions that can hold 3 textbooks, miscellaneous notepads, pens, and whatever else I may need?

wish me thin
~alexana 128.8

One more day down, one more pound

Jumped on the scale this morning to see 128. Another pound gone, and officially 20 lbs away from the ultimate goal weight. :D
Today is the 100 calorie day of ABC, but sadly, I'm going to be around the house and my mum all day. I've faked breakfast already when my parents were readying themselves for the day by pouring some cereal and milk, letting it sit, and then pouring it out (hidden in the garbage bin) and leaving the bowl out for them to see.
What do you guys think I should eat for my 100? Apple (80)? Fish (90-100)?
If you read this blog, leave some comments with input or suggestions.

I haven't eaten anything so far, its just past lunch, and I feel a slight headache and tired, but that's when you know it's working. :) So I figure I'll eat at dinner so everyone sees me and loses any suspicion. 100 cal. day almost done.

In addition, I think I'm going to try to blog everyday until school starts again (18 Aug), because then I will have my studies to focus on. Until then,

starve on
~alexana 128

~~~
YES! 100 calorie mark hit exactly. Half of a salmon filet (70), 1/10 cup of roasted potato (9), and 1/2 cup spinach (21).

ABC Diet

For those of you who dont know, or those who do and dont remember here is the plan for the ABC Diet (ana boot camp) which I am doing. Currently, I am on day 4.
~~
Day 1: 500 calories (or less)
Day 2: 500 calories (or less)
3: 300 calories
4: 400 calories
5: 100 calories
6: 200 calories
7: 300 calories
8: 400 calories
9: 500 calories
10: Fast
11: 150 calories
12: 200 calories
13: 400 calories
14: 350 calories
15: 250 calories
16: 200 calories
17: Fast
18: 200 calories
19: 100 calories
20: Fast
21: 300 calories
22: 250 calories
23: 200 calories
24: 150 calories
25: 100 calories
26: 50 calories
27: 100 calories
28: 200 calories
29: 200 calories
30: 300 calories
31: 800 calories
32: Fast
33: 250 calories
34: 350 calories
35: 450 calories
36: Fast
37: 500 calories
38: 450 calories
39: 400 calories
40: 350 calories
41: 300 calories
42: 250 calories
43: 200 calories
44: 200 calories
45: 250 calories
46: 200 calories
47: 300 calories
48: 200 calories
49: 150 calories
50: Fast


respect yourself and put down the fork
~alexana 129.2

129.2 and thinspo

OH HECK YES.
This is the lowest weight I've been since my freshmen year of high school, and now I'm a freshman in college.

Update: Day 4 of the ABC diet.

Here are some tips (that most of you have probably already mastered) and thinspo.

100 ways to lose effectively
The lemon diet

think skinny my pretties
~alexana 129.2

>:C

jsdfkhasdkfjhaskjdhf
WHY?!
When I went over to babysit last night, I had the kids watch a movie and during that, the little girl kept asking for juice and I would get her some. Everytime I entered the kitchen I would snag some pretzels or crackers, and I even had an OREO. Those things are like poison. ugh...
My scale reads 130.4 this morning, showing my vision is correct and that I'm going to be a fat ass again.
This binge was pry 300-500 calories, which means I broke my ABC diet.
I should learn to use this:

I'll check in later today to document anymore failures...

Calorie total for yesterday (binge included): 771  :c
~~~
Only 310 today, which is only 10 over my ABC day 3 diet. (Heck, every day is a new day right?)
Tilapia and spinach were 100 added to my 210 from today. I hope tomorrow my weight will be back at 130.2.
AND
No epic failures so far today. Whenever I feel a craving, I'll drink a butt-load of tea.

For those who dont know, I am a tea fanatic. My tea cup, which I have deemed "Jumbo" recently (may change the name later), is my craving crutch. This is him in all of his 24-oz. glory.

Hot liquids help to fill you up and I can drink chocolate tea, (which is reserved for said cravings) and indulging in it cost me 0 calories. A fooled stomach and mind into thinking I gave in.
May I recommend chocolate tea for those chocolate, hazelnutty cravings. There's one by "STASH" which I use, and its pretty good without sugar or milk.

Whats your go-to craving eliminator?

Eat less, weigh less
~alexana 130.4

Commence the awkward dancing!

I lost two pounds. Which rings me in at 130.2! I think my scale is either .2 off, or my reading is impaired to thinking every pound or so ends with .2, but either way.
130~
Finally I can say the 10lbs are off (I weighed in at a shameful 140 somedays last week), and my ED is back on. This feels magnificent.


And now, to keep the horrifying weight off, I need to ask anyone out there who is having the same struggles with food and weight to keep me motivated. Email me at ed.alexana@gmail.com if you have any tips, tricks, or success and failure stories that we can celebrate or wallow about together. Or email me with a request and I'll answer to the best of my abilities.
But you could also just email to help a recurring ED in need. (:
I would enjoy your company very much so.

skinny love always,
~alexana 130.2

~~~~
An update on today:
my mum and I went to Costco, and as most of you know, there are free samples there. Sadly, I shoveled down organic apple chips, steel cut oatmeal, and a yoghurt chip (little tiny thing). So those on top of the 10 blueberries I ate totaled up to about 56 cal.
And of course, upon arriving home, I had tea with some soup (slight congestion/cold). Honey with the tea is 60 and the soup was about 100.
Leaving me with 216 cals. today.

As a short FYI notice, I realized I can do the ABC diet because of my cal totals from 2 days ago, therefore today, I cannot hit above 300. If any of you are interested, mail me and we can do it together! I'd love to have a buddy.

Pray for me that the kids I babysit have suddenly updated their pantry with nothing but water and low cal snacks. Today, I enter the war zone to prevent myself from eating over 84 cal.

thin dreams.

Maybe it's envy, maybe it's me...

or maybe it's food.

So many people in my life: friends, coworkers...even my mother, are/were amazingly gorgeous.

My mother was a model when she was my age, completely gorgeous, a size 2 dress, 109 lbs, and 5'8". My friends 5'10" and a size 4. The newest addition to the work force, a 5'10(ish)" blonde who looks to be a zero. And how I envy them all...

I woke up today excited that I had resisted all temptations yesterday, ie: the PB&J sandwiches you could make for yourself at work (one of my junk food favorites), dinner (avoided by working until 9.30 pm), and refused to buy ice cream that my parents wanted (mint chocolate chip <3) because I would've eaten the entire half gallon alone.

Yesterdays calorie totals: 172! 

That's where I should hit everyday. The feeling is amazing and because I had refused any offer to food I dropped one pound...

132.2!!           TAKE THAT PB&J/MINT ICECREAM! LORDS OF ALL THINGS FAT AND EVIL!

and you're more than welcome to mock my paint skills. Although not edible, I consider paint to also be a lord of evil.

~alexana 132.2

Thin(k) good thoughts.

LIVE(FAT)STRONG: I despise you (but only a little)

Livestrong, why do you encourage obesity? Why?
By reccomendation from another proana, I started using MyPlate in June when I started this blog. With a hopeful loss of 1.5 lbs per week, MyPlate set my calorie goal as 764 per day. (It's actually a great program to track everything, not just calories)
BUT, as soon as I hit a BMI of 21 (133.2 lbs, 5'6"-5'8"), it shot my calorie goal up to 1,001. This is nearly a 300 difference. I proudly hit 764 or less (by hundreds) each day to condition myself. Yet because LIVEFAT sensed a "good" BMI, it refused to let me adjust to where I was due to so called health risks.
Although the new goal is 800, and I must hit below that, at preferably 600 as the limit. Today I plan to rig LIVEFAT and lie about my stats to hopefully adjust my limit. Muahaha.
CALORIE LIMBO.

~alexana 133.2

mmm...tea helps with everything.