Granola: THE MISSING LINK!

WHY CAN'T I EAT THIS LIKE A NORMAL PERSON?
All of my binges are absolutely disgusting. I'm with the boyfriend, and after sex, I completely lost track of my head, and my pants (walking around in my underwear) and eating FUCKING NON STOP. He thinks it's weird.
But can you really blame the guy?

This package of granola is nearly gone, meaning I've shoveled down 1300cal. JUST from granola.
Not including marshmallows, stew, crackers, juice, honey, smoked salmon, oil....
Hm, this might be the link to my obesity.

I need Ipecac.

Wondering why I can never complete the ABC Diet.
Should I restart entirely? I'm only three days in (fat ass had to join the party), and could just redo my 300 day tomorrow.
Or fast. Fasting's good.
.
On the plus side though (literally),
I weighed myself today: almost 134.

Back where I started.

~alexana 133.8
never again

Fact (and thinspo):

I've never successfully finished the ABC Diet.
Ever.
This time around, I make it my goal to finish it. It's not even about losing weight right now, just finishing it. (Okay, so the reward of completing the ABC Diet is obviously losing weight, but I figure more weight is lost when I actually finish it.)
Started yesterday for the first 500cal day, and finished with almost exactly that.
Shows how much I've been over eating, 1000cal+ days....

*shudder*

No more.
Another 500 today, and a birthday dinner to attend. Thank god I can only have salads.
I figure if I don't eat today (except for cough drops maybe) then I can binge on whatever bunny-food I decide on at the restaurant.

Or maybe pick up a snack so that way I'm seen stuffing my face.

And then I want to see a gap between my thighs.
And to wear that purple dress I just bought.
And to not look like a sausage trying to escape it's casing when I wear it.

My friend and a group of students are trying to start up an 'eating disorders awareness club' or some shit like that. I've been talking it with them and discussing the generalities of an eating disorder and why people don't often notice.
And little do they know. Ha.
Personally, I'm afraid that if I keep talking about it, I'm going to get caught.
But, it's nice to viciously discuss with someone about diet, weight, exercise, and eating habits.

Just wanting a buddy, in person. Someone to slap my hands down and tell me not to eat.

Fact:
I think my "M" key is broken or just being an asshole. Not cooperating today.

--

Damn.
Ate 2 cups of popcorn.
Ate fries from chick-fil-a because my friend and her group were watching me.

"Just coffee?"
"Yup. Americano. Black."
"What are you doing for lunch?"
"Americano. Black."
"Here, eat my fries. I saved them for you."
"Oh no, I'm good."
"Really."
*Tosses box in front of me*
"Thanks."

What do I do about tonight? I'm contemplating saving my starbucks cup to spit food into.
If I get a salad with just lettuce....I can stay at my goal.

When I leave for home tomorrow, I can eat nothing. Or close to that.

Getting tired of being around at least two people in an ED prevention club 24/7.
Where did my isolation go? My caffeine addiction disappeared along with it.
/sigh/


~alexana (Weight : still unknown, can't find scale. Therefore: ∞)

Thick eyebrows and thin bodies.
Not the other way around.

--

Thinspo, as promised:

Why Am I Not Cold?

Because I'm fat.
Dammit.

Visiting my best friend in Flagstaff during my spring break. It's been snowing and I'm not as cold as I could be. I'm not skipping meals like I should be.

Wanting a lower number on the scale, and more layers of clothing necessary to stay warm.

Yesterday we went to Oregano's and I ordered a salad. Dowsed in oil and olives and raisins it must have been at least as large as my midsection (huge) and 500 calories minimum. Then we went to self-serve frozen yogurt for dinner. and poured peanut butter on top. At least 700cal.

Why can't I keep away from this food?

I don't even know my weight.
Last I checked, I bound back up to 143.2.

Awful. Awful. Awful.
I need the rest of my body to follow the lead of my joints; Thin, bony, almost broken, perpetually cold.
It's a false sense of accomplishments when I look down at my hands, feet, ankles.

And then the thighs...the boobs...the cheeks. Bloated.
---
BINGE BINGE BINGE BINGE
Gummy bears (130cal for 15), ate a ga-jillion (75, 650cal)
Bamba peanut butters puffs (150 cal for one bag) ate two bags (2, 300cal)
and so many cough drops(1 drop, 12 cal), I can only guess at how many I've devoured (20, 240cal).

650+300+240=1190
basically 1200cal.
WHO EATS THAT FUCKING MUCH?!

I planned on doing good today, until those bears. And their temptation. And my lack of self control.
Tomorrow I'm really going to have to focus; ABC Diet is starting up again, I might put it as the background on my phone.

Who wants to join in? Email me, and let's get skinny.

~alexana, (∞)lbs
Let's feel our ribs from behind our backs, and our spines leading to a valley of between our shoulders.